Hold Me Close
by silver-sunn101
Summary: He feels cold and uncared for. The simple touch of a friend would do, but his friend doesn't think that it will. SBRL Slash. Oneshot


The 7th year Gryffindor boy's room was completely empty, save the small golden boy who was curled on his bed in a tight ball. This boy was Remus Lupin who, two days before his 17th birthday, was all alone. Though it was sunny outside he was shaking from the cold. No matter what he did he just couldn't get warm, and now that he had warmed this spot on his bed he was afraid to move and lose the little warmth that he had.  
  
But pillows and blankets could only do so much.  
  
He'd never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend before and his parents had given him his last hugs two months after his 5th birthday. Sure, Remus had the friendly contact from his friends, but that wasn't what he wanted. But what he -did- want... he was too shy to ask for it, and it would be too awkward just to go up to one of them, say Sirius, and just do it.  
  
Remus curled up tighter and wrapped his arms tighter around himself, feeling colder and more hopeless every second. Warm tears fell from his eyes, though he didn't feel them.

* * *

Sirius was wandering around, quite bored, looking for something to do. James was off with Lily, Peter in a tutor session, and Remus–well, he didn't know where Remus was. He jogged up the stairs merrily, almost happy enough to start whistling. The said whistle died on his lips when he heard crying from in the dorm he shared with his friends.  
  
His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as he slowly opened the squeaky door. He realized who was sobbing as he quietly closed the door behind him; Remus was curled in a tight ball on his bed, crying so hard that his body was shaking violently.  
  
Sirius rushed over to him and asked what was wrong, but Remus' crying increased and his head shook as if Sirius had asked him a question to which the answer was 'no.' Sirius knelt next to him and touched his hair, a gesture that he had found comforting when he had broken down into tears in front of James' mother last summer. The comforting gesture just seemed to make his friend's crying worse.  
  
He climbed up onto the bed and pulled Remus into his arms, making soothing noises all the while. Remus buried his face in Sirius' shirt and clung to him tightly as his crying increased so that he seemed to choke himself on each sob. Sirius didn't fail to notice this and pulled Remus as close to his chest as he could manage. He rubbed Remus' arm and back until, at long last, Remus' crying stopped.  
  
Remus tried to calm himself enough to speak, but so much of his energy had been used on crying that he felt that he could fall asleep right there in Sirius' arms. He dreaded the moment that Sirius would want to know why was crying, and when he would have to move. Hey, at least he had been warm for ten minutes, being comfortable all the time was highly overrated anyway.  
  
"Moony, what's wrong?" Remus moved away a little, but not far enough to be out of Sirius' arms. The minute he looked into those piercing blue eyes, however, he had to look away again.  
  
"It doesn't matter," whispered Remus.  
  
"It had to've mattered if it has reduced you to tears," Remus shook his head and slowly disentangled himself from his friend.  
  
"I was being stupid."  
  
Sirius watched Remus walk into the bathroom, his head down, and put cold water on his red eyes to quell the swelling. Remus was taking deep, calming breaths so that he didn't burst into tears again when the coldness took the place of Sirius' lingering warmth. Sirius' confusion grew as he watched Remus shiver, wrap his arms around himself, take a deep breath, and walk back to his bed.  
  
"You can tell me what was wrong you know," said Sirius after a couple of minutes of awkward silence.  
  
"You'll laugh," Remus said almost inaudibly.  
  
"No, I won't, I promise,"  
  
Remus took a few more deep breaths and shivered once more before he began speaking in a hesitant tone. "I... I just... I wanted someone to touch me... Someone to look at me and not see a pale, skinny freak! I want someone who'll like me for who I am, werewolf and all!" The silence around them seemed to ring after that small outburst. Sirius anticipated more, and wasn't disappointed. "I've been so cold lately, even outside in the sun, so very cold... I thought that if, maybe, someone held me, that I might get warm again," he finished in a much quieter tone than from before.  
  
Sirius sat next to him on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Why didn't you say anything?" Remus looked at the carpet and said nothing. "I would've been more than happy to help," said Sirius when no reply came.  
  
"I don't want you to do it out of pity,"  
  
"It wouldn't be,"  
  
"What _would_ it be, then?" Remus asked with a slight edge to his tone.  
  
"Friendship, maybe... Maybe love,"  
  
"Love? Honestly, Sirius, who could love a werewolf!" Sirius looked down, scared of what he was saying and feeling. Scared of the way Remus was talking, the way he doubted himself and the way he put himself down.  
  
"I could... if that werewolf would let me," He could feel Remus' hazel eyes on him, but refused to look up.  
  
"You–you could? I mean, you do?" He paused and chose his words more carefully now. "Padfoot, please look at me, I _have_ to know that you are telling the truth,"  
  
Remus' apprehensions were set to rest when he looking into a pair of fearful, but loving, ocean colored eyes. They stared at each other, Remus figuring out what to say and Sirius waiting for him to say it. But Remus found that he didn't _know_ what to say. He knew what he _wanted_ to say, he just couldn't say it!  
  
Sirius took his silence as a bad thing and panic began to overrun his sense. Just as he was ready to bolt for the door, he felt a smaller, colder hand slip into his own and gently squeeze his fingers. He looked up and saw Remus smiling shyly at him, happiness sparkling in his eyes. Sirius laughed after a few awkward seconds that seemed to last hours.  
  
"Come on Moony, we're being stupid,"  
  
He crawled up the bed and lay his had on the pillow, drawing Remus up into his arms. Remus gave a small, content sigh and buried his face in Sirius' chest. Sirius smiled a little, kissed his golden hair, and let the dreams take him captive.

* * *

A/n–- Well, I'm dealing with the stripping of the decoration around my signature quite well, if I do say so myself. I still am angry about it, but oh well... I'll find -something- that'll work. Anyway, I've been trying to write this fic for about a week now, but I've only gotten a sentence or two in at a time. I finally got the time today, and here's the fic!  
  
For those of you who couldn't tell, Remus' problem was that he wasn't touched enough, and he felt cold and unloved because of it. All he needed was someone to cuddle with !  
  
Please review!!!!  
  
:–:silver-sunn101:–:


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